Inadequacy.

Hullo All,

When I wrote about how Dreams are Hard, one of the things I failed to mention was my fear of inadequacy. 

Sometimes when I hop around the internet looking for inspiration, the most common thought I have in my head is: "Oh, I don't know how to do that. My skill level is way below par."

Most recently, I was scrolling through the blog of Brittney Lee, Griselda Sastrawinata and Mall Lucidine. I love their art styles so much and one trait of their art styles that I have always loved is the texture they have in their work. 

Mermaid Lagoon by Brittney Lee

White Floties by Griselda Sastrawinata

Merrily, Merrily by Mall Licudine

Now, I know for a fact that they (at least, Brittney and Griselda) do this on Photoshop. Yet, for the life of me, I can't figure out how they are able to flawlessly remove outlines from their work--or even what brush they're using to achieve that texture. 

Whenever I see artwork and technique that stumps me, I end up Googling everything-- "How to achieve sketchy look in Photoshop" or whatever ridiculous keywords I think will help me find the answer. And when after hours of searching I still end up with nothing, I slump my head on my keyboard and think, "I am inadequate. I have no talent."

I realize that I beat myself up this way. I try to think so much and so frequently about why artists are able to do things that I can't. I grumble whenever I take four hours to do a piece that seems like it should only take thirty minutes to do. 

This tendency to compare and impatience is a major flaw in my fight for my dreams. 

And now I believe more than ever--and this was obvious to me in the beginning but I refused to believe that there wasn't any shortcuts--that I just have to suck it up and learn it slowly. Maybe I'll stumble into the answers I'm searching for, and develop the skills that I have been dying to attain. 

In the meantime, I am doing Vlogtober on my YouTube channel! Vlogtober is an annual thing that I do where I make videos for every day in October. Most artists are doing Inktober though. 

Anyway, wish me luck,

Mishie

Dreams are Hard.

Hullo All,

Dreams are Hard.

Actually, let me correct myself. Dreaming is easy. Achieving those dreams is what's hard. 

It's sometimes too easy to dream. Technically and subconsciously speaking, dreams already let you live out what you desperately want in life. You are the person you want to be, doing the things you want to do, or experiencing things that you couldn't even believe you could go through in your waking life. It's an amazingly triumphant and ecstatic feeling--which is what makes waking so painful. That blissful feeling you get in that dream slips away really fast, and you get up in the morning, reeling at what it could be like, and what really is just doesn't hold up in comparison. 

Personally speaking, I don't mean this to apply to every aspect of my life. In many ways, I know that I am happier than I ever was. A few years ago, everything I am living now was figuratively and literally thousands of miles away. I had to live vicariously through the dream fulfillment of other people. 

People I knew, like Rainbowholic, was living in her dream country and working toward doing what she loved doing as her main profession. Other people simply blogged about what made them happy and what they did in their every day life and suddenly that is what they did to earn income. 

Anyone that knows me beyond as an acquaintance probably already knows that I would love to be a Visual Development Artist. But then again, the same people may also know that I want to write, whether for page or screen. To do either or both would be bliss and I realize, that I want to do is to tell stories. 

What made me decide to want to pursue visual development then? 

Well, from childhood to adulthood I have always enjoyed stories. The stories I loved the most are those that let me feel the stories from all the senses imaginable. It wasn't just Disney that taught me to dream; so did Harry Potter, Hey Arnold, anime, Final Fantasy, The Little Prince--and all these wonderful stories that taught me about life through different worlds. They taught me to be happy, sad, frustrated, angry, anxious and scared. I not only experienced these stories, but met so many wonderful people and had many real world experiences through them. 

Harry Potter helped me meet my very best friends. I've had so many laughs and emotional moments with them. Referencing these stories helped make sense of the real life experiences we were having and helped us through different challenges. The same goes with other stories.

What I would like, no, what I would love is to be able to do this for others. Drawing and writing are skills I have been given so that I could really communicate the same magic with many people. This is what I dream to do in my life. 

And now, call it a Quarter Life Crisis or what have you, I am experiencing a frustration. Now more than ever, I want to start reaching my goal. Dreams let you so easily imagine what it is already like to be in that state that you desire, but experiencing the grind to reach the top is the biggest struggle I've ever faced. Lately, it has been stressing me out physically and emotionally--even spiritually. Days go by where I would get up in the morning and think, "Why can't I just be there already?"

I have spent many late nights, wide awake and thinking about how hard it is to be where I am now and what could already be. Every morning, I heave a sigh and suck it up. 

But the hardest thing about dreams is not doing anything about it. The more time I spend heaving sighs and sucking it up, the more time I spend not doing anything to reach my dream, the more time I spend not living it. 

So, for the past few days I have been trying to pick myself up. And as an added spice of destiny, it was another magical wizard from an amazing story that gave me the inspiration to turn my dream into reality. 

I am beginning with the end in mind. That is what the Merlin Method states. 

I can see the end. And now, I'm going to power through to get to it. 

This is the moment where I break out of my routine. Everything from here on end will have a purpose, exactly like everything in storytelling and visual development. 

I am going to get there. Watch me transfigure dreams into reality like BAMF wizard. 

- MishieWishie

Life Strategy + Vine

Hullo All!

I am ridiculously aware of how I've neglected this blog of mine. I'd offer an excuse but I have none. Let's just say that my fickle-minded brain prioritized other things. As an essay on the Thought Catalog said, "One thing you should do in your 20's is whatever the f*** makes you happy."

Pardon the french, but I found this to be both very true and slightly confusing. 

There are so many things I want to do and achieve in my life. Most people might tell me to focus only on one thing and one thing only to increase my chances of success in that field. But try as I might, I cannot just set aside the other things I want to achieve. Not lucrative they may be as a career, and implausible as they are now with my current skill set, I still want to be able to reach these dreams of mine. They aren't all that practical, but I want to go for them anyway. I know it is what will make me happy, so why deny it to myself? 

Time to have a serious talk with myself. You're welcome to hear my thoughts!