Inadequacy.

Hullo All,

When I wrote about how Dreams are Hard, one of the things I failed to mention was my fear of inadequacy. 

Sometimes when I hop around the internet looking for inspiration, the most common thought I have in my head is: "Oh, I don't know how to do that. My skill level is way below par."

Most recently, I was scrolling through the blog of Brittney Lee, Griselda Sastrawinata and Mall Lucidine. I love their art styles so much and one trait of their art styles that I have always loved is the texture they have in their work. 

Mermaid Lagoon by Brittney Lee

White Floties by Griselda Sastrawinata

Merrily, Merrily by Mall Licudine

Now, I know for a fact that they (at least, Brittney and Griselda) do this on Photoshop. Yet, for the life of me, I can't figure out how they are able to flawlessly remove outlines from their work--or even what brush they're using to achieve that texture. 

Whenever I see artwork and technique that stumps me, I end up Googling everything-- "How to achieve sketchy look in Photoshop" or whatever ridiculous keywords I think will help me find the answer. And when after hours of searching I still end up with nothing, I slump my head on my keyboard and think, "I am inadequate. I have no talent."

I realize that I beat myself up this way. I try to think so much and so frequently about why artists are able to do things that I can't. I grumble whenever I take four hours to do a piece that seems like it should only take thirty minutes to do. 

This tendency to compare and impatience is a major flaw in my fight for my dreams. 

And now I believe more than ever--and this was obvious to me in the beginning but I refused to believe that there wasn't any shortcuts--that I just have to suck it up and learn it slowly. Maybe I'll stumble into the answers I'm searching for, and develop the skills that I have been dying to attain. 

In the meantime, I am doing Vlogtober on my YouTube channel! Vlogtober is an annual thing that I do where I make videos for every day in October. Most artists are doing Inktober though. 

Anyway, wish me luck,

Mishie