It's barely been a week into our journey together and I'm already beginning to dream about you.
At least, I think it's about you. My dreams are never clear and become even more vague as the days of 2012 ended and I finally met you. So, although there was no distinct indication that those dreams were about you, I still knew.
I remember myself this time last year when I was saying good-bye to my mom who was about to board her flight. I was sad and wondered how long we were to be apart this time. I wondered this and a lot of other things. No expectations were made in 2013, only hope.
Hope seemed to be the only thing I ever had with me during the last few New Years. I always had a distinct goal in my head and hoped that, one day, an opportunity for that day to come would materialize.
And without re-counting every single blessed thing that happened to me over the last year, that hope has become an opportunity. Now, it is reality. But now that reality has settled, I feel a bit lost.
There is a scene in Tangled that I love. It is my favorite one, even above the Actual Lantern Scene. It's close though--it happens just before the lanterns are released.
Flynn and Rapunzel are on the boat, and Flynn asks Rapunzel what is wrong. She says:
"I'm terrified. I've been dreaming of this my entire life. What if it's not what I dreamed it would be?"
To which Flynn replies, "It will be."
And then comes a pair of lines that I did not expect.
"And what if it is," Rapunzel said. "What do I do then?"
"That's the good part, I guess," Flynn said. "You get to find a new dream."
(not my favorite graphic, but we'll go with it)
And, well okay, "lost" might not be the proper term. I have been dreaming of the things that I want to do once I finally step foot on the soil that I now currently stand on. I suppose that with 2012 ending, with the fulfillment of one of the biggest stepping stones, comes a new question.
Now that I know I'm here--what is my new goal and how do I achieve it?
This has brought in a lot of anxiety on my part--at least subconsciously. I suppose my subconscious "stresses" for me in the form of dreams while my waking self works on making those dreams come true.
I'm still learning to navigate my way around here. So I guess the one really important thing I want to ask of you, 2013, is:
2012 was the Year of the Dragon, and maybe the superstitious part of me will say that it played a part on how fortunate the past year was for me. I'm just hoping that it is the beginning of a long, successful path--and not just a fluke.
The only resolution I plan to take with me with full-force this year is in losing weight (who's with me?) because it seems the constant thing to fight for. Everything else, though, is still up in the air. I now have both hope and expectations this year. And I pray that you and I will get along.
Tuttah,
Mishie
P.S. And maybe part of me doesn't know what to expect of this year because I didn't expect to live past December 21, 2012? (I'm glad I did though)
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